to whom it may concern
Mine was a beggars mission.
To dreams of beauty I should have been born blind
a father and his son:
the father is in his
sixties
the son is forty years
old
1
at home
day
the father sits alone at
the kitchen table
- Did you wake up while I was gone? I told you where I would
be
did you remember? I had to be there early I haven’t got up so
early since I was working do you remember when I was working? I had to
get up early then I took you with me a couple of times you liked it I
haven’t got up so early since then but I had to get up early
today for my appointment I told them I couldn’t be gone very
long
they understood I saw them right away before they got busy
they’re always busy there I told you I wouldn’t
wake you
remember? I knew you’d sleep through you sleep so late were
you
okay?
pause
Do you remember the foundry? do you remember the furnaces and the metal
running out burning? you thought that was good you laughed we always
started early we were like old fashioned blacksmiths or something
working with that hot metal I took you on the train we travelled all
that way in the dark I wasn’t ashamed of you I
didn’t care
what anyone said they didn’t say anything they were all sorry
for
me I wasn’t I was sorry for you I’m not now
you’re
the way you are
pause
Did you wake up while I was gone? I bet you would have looked for me
you wouldn’t have known where I was but I told you where I
would
be I knew you wouldn’t remember I was hoping you
didn’t
wake up
long pause
the son appears in the
kitchen doorway
I’ve got something to tell you
2
a beer garden
early evening
long wooden tables and
the shadows of trees
the father drinks beer
the son drinks lemonade
- We came here two years ago for your birthday so I knew
you’d like it I wanted to take you somewhere nice today
pause
Drink your drink it’s best before the ice has melted then
later
you can drink the melted ice I’ve seen you do that drink it
now
while there’s still bubbles
the son drinks
I was at the hospital today I know you won’t remember me
telling you
- Da
- It doesn’t matter I’m telling you now
that’s where I was I was there because I had to see about
- Da
- Don’t interrupt me please I was there to see about some
tests I had remember I was there for some tests?
pause
Well they got the results of the tests the results aren’t
good I
knew they’d be bad but not as bad as they were I just sat
there
when they told me most of the time I don’t know what
they’re saying it’s just the looks on their faces
that tell
you you don’t have to know what all the words mean I know
what
some of them mean but not all of them but I know when news is bad
that’s what I’ve got to tell you
the son finishes his
lemonade and tips the ice onto the table
Now look what you’ve done someone will have to clean that up
- Da
- Someone will come and clean it I just want you to listen to me I know
its hard for you like everything is hard some things are hard for me
too in a different way but I’ve got to tell you only I
don’t know how
pause
I don’t want you to be afraid I don’t ever know if
you’re afraid maybe you’re afraid all the time I
wish you
could tell me especially now I don’t want you to be afraid
but
everything will have to be different now on account of what I found out
today and what it means there’s nothing I can do about it
pause
I’m going to die very soon a few months I’m going
to die in
hospital you can’t be there I’ll die there because
that way
it won’t be so bad for me or for you I won’t be
able to
look after you like I have things will happen to me I won’t
have
to be in such pain if I’m there I don’t want all
the pain
it’s already started it will get worse you won’t
have to
see what happens to me they can help me in the hospital
they’ll
give me the right medicines and change my sheets and look after me and
see I don’t suffer too much I want to die that way I want
someone
to look after me you can’t and that isn’t your
fault but I
won’t be able to look after you any more we’ll have
to find
someone else
pause
It’s cancer you don’t know what that is but
I’ve got
it and we’ll have to find someone else to look after you
pause
- Da
- Do you want another lemonade?
3
at home
night
at the kitchen table
the father has written a
letter and reads it to himself
- To whom it may concern Leo is my son of
forty years
but like a child what he doesn’t understand I
can’t
explain to him mostly he doesn’t know what you would call
normal
things he would never hurt anyone he doesn’t know right from
wrong it’s just the way he is
the son calls out
distressed from the other room
- Da! da!
- Yes I’m coming
- Da!
- Yes Leo yes yes I’m coming
the father puts down the
letter and goes into the other room
4
on the street
day
the father stands in a
phonebox
the son waits outside
the father dials a
number and waits for an answer
- Hello Max hello it’s your brother Daniel I’m
calling from
a phone box hello I know it’s early but how long has it been?
Daniel what the hell I’m calling I know it’s early
it’s been years I wondered was it still the same number
listen
Max I don’t have the money to
long pause
Do I have to spend all my money to apologise? listen Max I
can’t
I just I sent you a card on your birthday who’s counting how
many
years ago I need to talk to you there’s something listen Max
stop
Max stop I just I know how long it’s been I can’t
call
later I know it’s early I wanted to catch you before you went
to
work are you still working? it’s just I’ve got to
talk to
you today I’ve got to it’s important you remember
Leo? yes
a long time let’s not talk about whose fault I have to talk
to
you Max listen it’s important you’re my brother Max
who
else can I talk to? I’m running out of money here I
don’t
have much like always
long pause
Max?
the father hangs up and
leaves the phonebox
the son takes his
father’s hand
- Da
- Your uncle says hello
they walk off
5
a bank
a small cubicle
the father and the son
at a desk waiting
- I could have done all this at the counter with the regular customers
here’s better with the manager I’ve been a customer
here
for twenty years today I’m leaving
pause
I’ll just say we have other plans at least it’s
private
here I’m taking everything I’ve got saved it
won’t
matter to them I won’t say anything about the details
you’ll need everything I’ve got saved it
isn’t much
pause
Why’s he keeping us waiting so long?
6
at home
night
the father at the
kitchen table
the boy on the floor
after a long silence
- When you were a little boy you didn’t play I wanted to play
with you but you didn’t play
very long pause
- Da
7
at home
the bedroom
night
the son asleep in bed
the father standing
beside him
- Sometimes a man knows what to do sometimes he doesn’t know
no
one can tell him if he looks for advice it doesn’t help
he’s got to make up his own mind but he can’t all
he has is
what he knows if he doesn’t know much what can he do? he
never
learnt much he just lived his life quietly in a corner like a dog
eating shitting sleeping he never talked much he didn’t
listen
and he never had to think about the hard things there were so many hard
things he didn’t think of he didn’t want to think
about
them or work them out for himself he didn’t know how to
somehow
they passed the hard times passed it was a failing he knows that
it’s too late one day so what does he do? he can’t
start
over he’s lost
the boy wakes distressed
and makes a sound
Go back to sleep
- Da
- Yes I’m here go back to sleep I’m here